Monday, January 24, 2011

Musings Whilst Sickened

Getting sick is pretty much a rite of passage for new parents.  No matter how organic, how sterilized, how granola you attempt to be with your precious bundle of joy, you will eventually let your spawn mingle with other, less health oriented spawn of other, less health oriented parents and WHAMMO - you're sleeping 18 hours a day and sucking your lunch through a straw in the mouth of a 7-up bottle.

My three year old took ill on New Years Eve.  She was pushing high 103 all night and we ran her to the hospital New Years Day for precaution.  She slept.  She cried.  Her eyeball swelled up like an angry volcano.  8 days later, she rallied and passed the quaranteen test in time for her baby brother's temp to flare.  102-103.  7 more days.  One more flaming red eyeball of bruised and oozy death.

Pretty solid recovery on his end and he didn't complain much.  (Boys vs Girls, I'm told by more experienced parents).  Then the 15th... I didn't feel well and went to bed early.  Woke up at 1pm on the 16th.  For two whole hours.  Passed out again until midday the 17th.  102.5 fever.  Chills.  Inability to function.  Crazy stuff.  Wife slapped the kid's QUARANTEEN sign on the bedroom and ran for the couch.  I stayed in bed for 4 days and took 3 days longer just to get moving around again.  Good times.

Here are some thoughts I pondered whilst sickened:

1) Even a $3,000 bed feels like CRAP after 4 days.

2) When you can't lift the phone to your face to check emails, YOU ARE SICK.

3) There is no point to paying for cable television because at any point in the day, if there is not a game on, there is NOTHING ON TELEVISION.

4) The Nyquil company is stupid.  Doseage for adults is 30ml.  Pretty much NO ONE ELSE should ever be taking this stuff, based on the warnings.  Why then, do they notch for 20ml, 15ml, etc?   What's the point?  Engineers got nothing better to do?

5) Even when you can't taste your breakfast, lunch or dinner - Chinese herbs still taste like crap.  However, acupuncture is AWESOME.

6) People just don't use whilst in everyday language enough.

7) I have no idea how to properly use whilst in everyday language.
Finally - should probably make a comment about writing.  I am compelled to launch what will be the first salvo in a full clip of ammo I have dedicated to the destruction of the most well worn writing adage of them all: 'You Must Write Everyday!"  BANG!  Fuck you, adage.  There, whew - that felt good.  Here is a short tip for you family guys out there: if you're sick and out of commission for five-six days, here is the LAST THING you should say to your wife:  "Thanks for single parenting it this week.  But I'm behind on my unagented novel and I feel like I could be awake for maybe a little bit, so if you could sack up and handle another couple of hours, you'd be a peach. Thanks."

You may become an author faster, but you are never, ever going to score.  Going to check a diaper now. Peace out.

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