Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Children are a Blessing!

Today's Forecast: 180% chance of finishing this glass of wine.

(No chronologically important events have been omitted from this tale. To protect the innocent, all names have been removed.)

4:30 - After a wonderful and pleasant experience at daycare, the baby returns home and enjoys an unusually large pre-dinner snack of ravioli, grapes, black beans, crackers, graham sticks, and milk. Baby is happy and Daddy is having a wonderful day as well.

6:15 - Mommy returns home. Hugs, dancing and cheery songs fill the house. Daddy finishes up the cooking and serves dinner.

6:30 - Baby eats a second saisfying meal of two eggs, half a cucumber, black beans, brown rice, a cup of yogurt, crackers, broccoli and more milk.

7:10 - Mommy cleans up the baby and Daddy goes to the back of the house and draws a bath in the standalone bathtub for Baby.

7:15 - Baby walks into the bathroom and squeals with delight. Daddy gets Baby ready and puts Baby into the bath.

7:15-7:25 - Baby splashes and plays. Daddy blows bubbles in the air for Baby to catch.

7:26 - Baby freezes and suddenly looks very concerned about the bubbles. Daddy is suddenly concerned about the greyish-green and lumpy objects now flowing out from beneath Baby. It looks like someone dismembered Yoda and dropped him in the current.

7:26:30 - Daddy yells for Mommy. Mommy assumes this is normal bathtime activity and ignores it.

7:26:50 - Lumps have pooled in the left corner, but are starting to migrate back to the center of the tub. Daddy moves baby to the right. Daddy screams louder.

7:28 - Mommy walks in. She becomes horrified. Daddy instructs Mommy to start the nearby shower and brushes water at the lumps, trying to make them go away. Baby's toys are starting to mingle with the ick and Baby is beginning to really get unhappy.

7:29 - Mommy wants to check the temperature and asks for the thermometer. Daddy asks if Mommy is kidding. Mommy switches to hold the baby and remarks on the unpleasant condition of the bathtub. Daddy jumps into the shower and takes the baby handoff from Mommy.

7:30-7:35 - Baby is showered off with lots of soap and shampoo. Baby is not as happy as before. Mommy comes back into the room to take the baby.

7:35 - Daddy invites Mommy to clean out the tub. Mommy explains that she can't reach the drain plug without climbing in. She turns to demonstrate and instead starts to gag. Daddy knows he's screwed. Daddy glances at the tub. The lumps have expanded in the water, Daddy figures that means they will be easier to fish out. The water is changing colors.

7:36-7:40 - Daddy showers off and Mommy dries Baby. The dry Baby walks naked back into the bathroom, shouting "Yay!"

7:40:05 - Daddy thinks to himself that every time Baby walks naked on the tile, she pees. He considers warning Mommy.

7:40:23 - Baby pees all over the tile. Mommy runs off for towels.

7:45 - Mommy finishes cleaning floor and takes Baby away. Daddy exists shower. Enlarged lumps in the tub have now fully separated into soup parts.

7:46-7:50 - Daddy drains tub and has the genius idea to use a cat litter scoop to fish the icky parts out. Daddy notes with dismay that unprocessed corn and grapes pass through the holes.

7:51 - Daddy can never look at the bath toys in the same way ever again. Daddy scrubs out tub with a heavy duty cleaner. He goes to get a second kind, just in case.

7:55 - A sparkling tub has never looked so unappealing. Daddy walks back to the kitchen, beaten and defeated. Mommy is waiting with the Baby.

7:56 - Daddy gets a goodnight kiss and hug from Baby. Everything is ok.

Oh, book stuff? Yeah, I do that too...

Status a/o 11/18:
Word Count: 24,224 words
Today's Target: 30,006 words
Deficit: 5,782 words

1 comment:

Caity Y said...

I just read this and about peed my pants. Thanks for the laughter!